Category Archives: Song Dan Hates of the Week

Music, Song Dan Hates of the Week

Boom Boom Pow!

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I was gonna write about John Mayer. I really was. But then I thought about Super Bowl weekend and that made me think of …the Super Bowl… and that made me think of the halftime show and that made think of the Black Eyed Peas. In recent years the likes of the Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, the Who, Prince and Tom Petty have played the Super Bowl, so doesn’t it follow that the logical successor would be the uh, Black Eyed Peas.

The Black Eyed Peas? Something must have happened when I wasn’t looking. So I decided to do some digging. First, I found out that the four people in the Black Eyed Peas are as follows: will.i.am, fergie, apl.de.ap and taboo. Wait – what? Apl.de.ap? Is that HTML code for virtual strudel? I don’t know. But they must have done something to warrant the biggest spot in American entertainment, right?

A brief career overview:

  1. They had a huge hit song called “Let’s Get Retarded.” That’s gotta be a mistake. I mean they can’t really have a song called “Let’s Get Retarded” can they? And if they do have a song called “Let’s Get Retarded,” are these really the words?:
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Music, Song Dan Hates of the Week

Songs I Hate

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I hate songs. Well, not every song. Just a lot of songs that other people like. I’ve been a DJ for years and along the way, I’ve learned some universal truths:

  • A lot people hang out in bars.
  • A lot of these people are horrible.
  • Horrible people like horrible music.
  • A lot of cool people hang out in bars too.
  • Inexplicably, some cool people like horrible music too.
  • When people tell me they like “all kinds of music,” it usually means that they like horrible music in several different genres, i.e. “I love Creed and John Mayer but I also love Toby Keith and Tone Loc!!”
  • Sorority girls are my nemeses.
  • Many sorority girls only enjoy songs to which they’ve memorized the words.
  • Many sorority girls think you care that it’s their birthday.
  • Many sorority girls preface their requests by telling you that you suck.
  • Many fraternity boys make requests on behalf of sorority girls.
  • Sorority girl requests through a third party still suck.
  • People think that “eighties” is a style of music.
  • Guys who wear their hats sideways tend not to be articulate.

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