I hate songs. Well, not every song. Just a lot of songs that other people like. I’ve been a DJ for years and along the way, I’ve learned some universal truths:
- A lot people hang out in bars.
- A lot of these people are horrible.
- Horrible people like horrible music.
- A lot of cool people hang out in bars too.
- Inexplicably, some cool people like horrible music too.
- When people tell me they like “all kinds of music,” it usually means that they like horrible music in several different genres, i.e. “I love Creed and John Mayer but I also love Toby Keith and Tone Loc!!”
- Sorority girls are my nemeses.
- Many sorority girls only enjoy songs to which they’ve memorized the words.
- Many sorority girls think you care that it’s their birthday.
- Many sorority girls preface their requests by telling you that you suck.
- Many fraternity boys make requests on behalf of sorority girls.
- Sorority girl requests through a third party still suck.
- People think that “eighties” is a style of music.
- Guys who wear their hats sideways tend not to be articulate.
